Why Twilight is ideal for an Ekta Kapoor adaptation.

According to this report Ekta Kapoor is supposedly planning to do an Indian TV serial based on the popular ‘Twilight’ series of books/movies created by Stephenie Meyer. Now personally I am as enchanted by Ekta Kapoor serials & Twilight as Paris Hilton is by Mughal history, but come to think of it, Twilight is pretty ideal for an Ekta Kapoor adaptation. Here are my top 5 reasons why:-

1. VAMPIRES DON’T FREAKIN’ DIE!!! Yup. That’s the first & foremost reason she’s doing this for. The (il)logical loophole Ekta was searching for for all these years. Imagine, no jhanjat of ‘punar janams’ or ‘exact lookalikes’ or ‘plastic surgeries’, get the guy/gal to live for as long as possible, it makes everything so much more convenient. Now there’s no need to even put that single strand of white hair when the serial takes a 57 year leap forward . All the characters can be as healthy & vivacious as ‘Baa’ (not the black sheep variety) for all of eternity. :)


2. Even though I couldn’t manage to get myself beyond the first 50 odd pages of the 1st Twilight novel, my twi-hard friends tell me that later on in the ‘story’ (he he) it is revealed that Edward Cullen isn’t keen on doing the...ahem… hanky-panky before he marries Bella Swan. Well, isn’t that a trademark of the sabhya susheel hero of an Ekta Kapoor TV programme? Vachan jaaye par virginity naa jaye? Er …or something along those lines! I can envision family conversation in the huge Ekta mansions where the mom’s telling the dad- ‘Aji aajkal aise vampire kahaan milte hain!’

3. The 1st Twilight movie wasn’t great but was bearable. 'New Moon' on the other hand should officially be declared as a sleep inducing drug. Anyways the point I want to make is it doesn’t matter if you don’t know a rat’s ass about acting. All you need in order to make a Twilight adaptation a success is to LOOK GOOD ON SCREEN. Full stop. And isn’t that precisely what all of Ekta’s serials are about. I mean exchange her ‘actors’ with well sculpted statues & you won’t be able to tell the difference. So go ahead & find a replica of the gloomily gorgeous Kristen Stewart & a certain British bloke called…some Pattinson or something. (Alright girls you can scream)

4. Now with the vampires being immortal & freezing at a particular age there’ll finally be an explanation for the sons & daughters of the characters looking as old if not older than their parents. What’s more Ekta can dedicate 3 entire episodes just to the vampire mother’s dilemma of wanting to suck her son’s blood. Slow mo close up of mommy’s fangs…slow mo close up of baby…slow mo close up of mommy’s fangs…slow mo close of baby…slow mo close up of mommy’s fangs…slow mo close up of baby…& all this while cymbals will be crashing & temple bells going berserk for the background track.

5. Almost all of Ekta’s serials revolve around a love track between a boy/man & a girl/woman being screwed up by the unveiling of a third party, intentionally giving birth to a love triangle. Working on Twilight gives Kapoor the liberty of depicting a love triangle with a werewolf (played in the movies by Taylor “I-swear-to-God-I’ll-never-put-a-shirt-on” Lautner) involved. So finally there will be justification for her actor’s being hairy, howling & jumping around.


So there you go. Let Ekta unleash her brand of blood-suckers on us…wait isn’t that what she’s been doing all along?

My apologies to all the twi-hards. As a big time Pottermaniac I know how it feels when someone pokes fun at your favourite franchise. Maybe you guys can write a funny piece on Potter sometime.

(P.S:- I was kidding. If you do that I’ll set a dementor on your tail)

On a slightly different note, if anybody wants to get their vampire fix it’ll be much better to check out the following

Books:- Stephen King's Salem's Lot (you WILL check your windows before going to sleep), Interview with the vampire by Ann Rice, or the grand daddy of all vampires- Bram Stoker's Dracula.

TV shows:- The vampire diaries (which IMO is waaay cooler than twilight), True blood.

Movies:- Vampires, 30 days of night, Nosferatu (the best one even though it came out in 1922 & is a silent film, or you can check out the more recent 2000 remake of it- Shadow of the vampire), & of course "Bandh darwaza" the eternal Ramsay brothers classic (LOL).